Discipline and punishment
Understanding what discipline is and how to maintain a warm, loving relationship.
Learning goals
- Understand the difference between discipline and punishment.
- Use a fair and firm approach to parenting.
- Keep your relationship warm and loving.
Understand terms
Sometimes people can get the words ‘discipline’ and ‘punishment’ mixed up, and see them as having the same meaning. Find out from the group if they have any ideas about the difference between the two.
- Discipline is about guiding and learning.
- Punishment, on the other hand, happens when someone is made to suffer for an offence.
Children explore and experiment to find out about the world and their place in it. They climb, taste, poke, touch, pull apart and ask a million questions to learn about the world around them, and to explore where the boundaries are.
- Whānau help guide this exploration by making sure children are safe, and by giving them new things to learn about. This helps children to develop the qualities and skills they need as they grow into adults.
Guidance, or discipline, is most effective in a warm and loving relationship where the child feels supported and secure.
Punishment occurs when adults believe that children need a bit of suffering to learn life’s lessons.
Discuss discipline and relationships
How we repair our relationship with our kids after disciplining is an important part of the process.
- Reconnecting after there’s been conflict is sometimes called ‘rupture and repair’.
- Making it right between you is key to your ongoing relationship. Sometimes it might mean apologising.
Ask the group:
- What are your thoughts about getting kids to say sorry?
- Is it genuine? Does it matter?
- How have you felt when you’ve been asked to say sorry to someone?
- What do you think about apologising to your kids?
- How do you think it makes them feel?
Use the resources listed below to guide your discussions. Keep reinforcing the 6 principles and the power of positive parenting.