Including dads

Getting expectant dads to think about being a parent will be best for everyone when pēpi arrives.

We have three booklets designed for dads who are expecting a new baby. Introducing whānau to these booklets is a good way to help dad get used to the idea of becoming a father.

How dads might be feeling

One of the dads interviewed for the booklets was musician Tiki Taane. He said, ‘At first I was like …“Oh no!”… it was all panic stations. But then I started to think, “Okay, this is cool. I need to be in my son’s life.”’

This is a common response to the news that you’re going to be a parent. Expectant dads may feel worry, excitement and fear about how they’ll cope with the life changes a baby brings.

Questions to ask

The following questions can help to get the thoughts out of dads' heads and onto the table:

What are you looking forward to about becoming a dad?
What’s the most important thing about becoming a dad?
Who are the role models that you respect or will rely on for guidance?
What is it about them that you value?
What’s been your experience with babies so far?
What have you learned so far about the prenatal development of your baby?
What do you think you’re going to find hard about having a new baby?
How do you think you’ll learn about what a new baby needs and wants?

This conversation can really help both parents. Couples have shared that their relationship is more satisfying when the dad is involved with their baby.

Talking about things before pēpi arrives can give parents time to think things through. Ask these questions:

Think back to how you were raised — will you do things the same or differently?
How can you support each other?

Helpful resources for whānau

What changes when you become a dad?<

What changes when you become a dad? (transcript)

[Text on screen: The Change]

[Music]

Warren Maxwell:

A big change was that the focus went away from just me and my goals to being responsible for these other beautiful people.

Tiki Taane:

I think for me, you know, I’m not thinking about myself all the time now, you know.

Warren Maxwell:

I think I actually feel like I’ve grown up, you know, I’ve grown up.

I’ve still retained my career, my love and my passion for music and stuff. But, it’s sort of gone a bit more like this now, you know. Now I kind of do all of my work for my family, you know, instead of before it was the other way around. I just worked on my music and me basically.

Tiki Taane:

In the past it was always like, okay, I’m doing this, I’m doing that, I’ve gotta do this, I’ve gotta achieve this, dah, dah, dah, dah. But now, it’s like, I’m still doing that, I’m still driven, but I’m going, I’m doing this because, and for, my son and my partner. And that make me feel good, you know, it’s not like it’s a burden it’s actually, like, great, I can go and do these things; and I can provide the things for my son and my partner to be able to be safe and protected.

Warren Maxwell:

One huge factor for me actually leaving Fat Freddy’s Drop, leaving the band, was for my family, you know. Because you can’t, it just wasn’t…, it didn’t feel right for me to be travelling around the world three or four months of the year, and we’d just bought our place out here in the Wairarapa. And that’s when you really start to think, why, why am I travelling over the other side of the world to play music and get drunk, you know. It was just really easy. So I was like, well, there’s your answer, you know. Sorry guys, I’m staying home with the family, and it’s great, it’s beautiful.

Close transcript

What changes when you become a dad?
Tiki Taane and Warren Maxwell talk about how their lives changed, and how their lives didn't change once they brought baby home and became fathers to their kids.

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Listen to Fa‘ali‘i talk about being a dad<

Listen to Fa‘ali‘i talk about being a dad (transcript)

[Text on screen: Fa'ali'i. ]

[Graphic: SKIP logo]

[Music]

Fa'ali'i:

You have to make an effort to make sure that the surroundings are positive and it’s never easy – never is.

I’m not going to lie you know they are times when I do tend to give up a bit but if you’ve got someone there that loves you a lot and you’ve got a girl that wants to sure that you’re always positive and then bring out the best in you - then it really helps in the sense that you feed off it.

There’s that saying "that you got to harden-up as a dad" but you know you've got to sort of dig down inside and reach your feminine side and reach out to your mother and your sister or your wife and just be open about it – that will make you a great father.

[Graphic: SKIP logo]

Close transcript

Listen to Fa‘ali‘i talk about being a dad
Fa'ali'i talks about becoming a dad and how things have changed for him.

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Welcome to fatherhood

Nau mai ki te Pāpātanga. A toolkit for new dads to learn some ways they can bond with their child in the first few weeks, giving them a great start.
pdf 6.6 MB
Booklet Pregnancy to 6 months

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Kōrero mai mō tō tātou whānau – teach me about our family

Then I know I’m not alone, my brain learns best from the people who love and care about me.
jpg 1.3 MB
Email Download

How dads might be feeling

Questions to ask

Helpful resources for whānau

What changes when you become a dad?<

Listen to Fa‘ali‘i talk about being a dad<

Welcome to fatherhood

Kōrero mai mō tō tātou whānau – teach me about our family

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