The 6 things that babies need are the key to building a relationship with baby and doing things to keep baby healthy.

There are 6 principles that promote a strong relationship between parents, whānau and their tamariki. They come from New Zealand research by the Children’s Issues Centre, University of Otago, and Office of the Children’s Commissioner.

The Discipline and Guidance of Children | Mana Mokopuna(external link)

The 6 principles are:

  1. love and warmth
  2. talking and listening
  3. guidance and understanding
  4. limits and boundaries
  5. consistency and consequences
  6. a structured and secure world.

Six principles of positive parenting 

The 6 principles can be applied to all ages and situation. The poster ‘Our whānau tikanga’ is based on the 6 principles of positive parenting. Ask whānau if they’ve ever seen this poster.

Building a relationship with baby

Right from the start, whānau are building a relationship with their baby. This lays the foundation for baby’s future. You can use the 6 principles and Tākai resources to have a conversation with whānau about how they’re building a relationship with baby.

In the booklets the 6 principles are known as ‘Ngā tohu whānau’. The suggestions in the 'Ngā tohu whānau' section of each booklet are specific to the age and stage the booklet is about. 

Pregnancy is a good time to start thinking about how to help kids grow into happy adults. The important messages in Te Kākano about taking care of the pregnant parent and thinking about the needs of the baby are all reinforced in 'Ngā tohu whānau'.

  • Give whānau a copy of Whakatipu booklet Te Kākano and show them 'Ngā tohu whānau' (pages 16 and 17) or give them an ‘Our whānau tikanga’ poster for their wall.
  • Talk with whānau about something you’ve observed or something they’ve told you and show them how it links with 'Ngā tohu whānau'. For example:
    • being concerned about any aspects of health
    • keeping appointments with their midwife or doctor
    • getting exercise
    • getting ready for baby.
  • Encourage them to see the link and congratulate them for the positive steps they’ve already taken.
  • Ask whānau:
    • Did you consider how what you did will have a good effect on your baby’s future?
    • How do you think it might make a difference?

Sample conversations

Let’s look at some of the information in Te Kākano and the things we’ve talked about.

There's a bit about giving up smoking – that’s about setting limits and boundaries. See how you’ve thought about what’s best for baby? By making a rule about smoking outside, you’ve set boundaries for all the adults who come to your home. That’s awesome. You’ve done really well. These actions will be the best for you and your whānau now and in the future.

Thinking about the future, what might it mean for your whānau to be smokefree?
You talked about asking your mums and aunties about their experiences of having babies and what support they got from others in the family.

You say you’ve started looking for clothes and other baby stuff. That’s mentioned here in ‘Love and warmth … Getting ready for pēpi’

How are these actions creating good relationships in your whānau? Who’s benefitting?

Can you think of other things you’re doing to strengthen these important relationships?

Helpful resources for whānau