Six principles of positive parenting
Key principles for building a strong relationship between parents, whānau and their tamariki.
The Children’s Issues Centre, University of Otago, and the Office of the Children’s Commissioner published a research report in 2004 which identified 6 key principles for helping parents manage kids’ difficult behaviour.
These principles build strong relationships between parents, families and children. They can also help build positive relationships with anyone, anywhere – home, early childhood centres, classrooms, and workplaces.
The 6 principles
Love and warmth
Right from birth, love and warmth builds trust and positive self-esteem. When parents invest in their relationship with tamariki, they make respectful discipline easier and more effective.
Te aroha me te mahana – love and warmth
Talking and listening
Good things come when we talk or sign, watch and listen to kids, and give them clear messages suitable to their age. Shouting doesn’t work.
Te kōrero me te whakarongo – talking and listening
Guidance and understanding
When children understand why we want something done they’re more likely to do it. Explaining works better than orders or threats.
Te ārahi me te māramatanga – guidance and understanding
Limits and boundaries
Clear and simple rules that children understand work best. Rules mostly teach ‘what we do’. They keep things safe and fair, and they work for everyone.
Te tūāpapa mō te tika me te hē – limits and boundaries
Consistency and consequences
Children feel safe when rules don’t change. Children connect an action with a consequence from an early age. Consequences should be:
- related directly to what has happened
- reasonable for their developmental age and understanding
- respectful; firm and fair, not humiliating.
Te mahi pono – ngā hua me ngā hapa – consistency and consequences
A structured and secure world
Kids feel happy and relaxed when they know what’s happening.
Plan ahead for possible challenges, for example, take snacks with you to the supermarket
Model behaviour that you want kids to copy – don’t throw an adult tantrum when things get frustrating for you.
Te hanga ao tōtika, ao haumaru – structured and secure world
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